Prior to marriage, I went through it all. Dated the liars, the abusers, the good guys, the bad guys, even the in- between- guys. I've been the other woman, and I've turned around and hated the other woman. I have really and honestly missed the warning signs, and I have also chosen to ignore the warning signs. The love I found in God is what ignited the love I eventually found in myself. My worth and my purpose did not become evident until I admitted my shortcomings, and addressed my inability and lack of desire to stand up for myself. As I've grown, learned to value who I am and what I bring to the table, and of course found the type of love God always intended I find... I can't help but hurt for the women I see, simply stuck. I watch friends stay in relationships with no promise, I watch mentees lie to themselves about the man they thought they would be with forever, I watch strangers plaster on fake smiles to hide the pain they are feeling.
Transparently speaking, I have been in a few abusive relationships. Not all physical. I have found that the emotionally abusive relationships were the hardest to detach myself from. If I'm really honest, it wasn't until I found the strength to leave, that I realized how abusive they really were. An emotional abuser will make you feel like somehow, its your fault.... like you can't survive without them... like they will die without you (even at their own hands). An emotional abuser will make you forget your power, your worth, even your dreams. As I watched the latest trending topic/video #hurtbae, it resurfaced so many emotions. Emotions I have felt before, but emotions I have recently watched individuals suppress and even deny.
Weeks prior to watching the video, I wrote a poem simply stating what I want for HER.. what I want for YOU. I had not decided when or how I wanted to release it, but the video seemed like the perfect segway. I posted the poem with the video and received an overwhelming response. Im posting the poem here as a reminder to anyone that needs it. Always remember, forgiveness doesn't make you weak... but using humanity as an excuse to endure pain God never intended for you to bare, will never be the answer to healing. And healing always makes you strong. Here is the poem and video:
What I want for you, only you can do.
I want you to value yourself so greatly, everyone else has no choice but to do the same.
I want you to choose you despite the distracting hot volcanoes that tend to erupt around you.
I want you to find your own peace, using the ability you have inside to quiet all of the noise.
I want you to forget what settling looks like.
I want you to be honest with yourself and meet every single one of your truths.
I want you to walk away from mistreatment and run towards a love that does not hurt.
I want you to look straight into the eyes of the man that says he loves you, and see it for yourself.
I want you to look at yourself through those same eyes, and know you are royalty.
I want you to let go of broken things believing that you deserve whole ones.
I want you never to force anyone to stay with you, because it is an effort created from the fear of staying with yourself.
I want you to release the hearts that were never yours, so that you can embrace the one that is.
I want you to chase destiny over convenience, and respect over comfort.
I want you to find the harmony intended for your heart and your mind.
I want you to know you were created to be someone's first choice, and never take second.
I want you to see that a bruised face, a crushed heart, and a sore spirit are not what Jesus intended for you.
I want you to pick up your crown, and be slow to polish someone else's.
I want you to release, I want you to rejoice, I want you to refresh.
I want you to own your intuitive superpower, while recognizing the right lover will make you comfortable enough to lock it away.
I want you to love yourself so fully that there is in overflow left to give.