“Visions and decisions are two very important life activities. As Christians we know it is necessary for us to “write the vision and make it plain.” In the same breath, we understand that we are called to make clear decisions and take vocal stances on certain important topics. For example, racism is an area that most people either decide to support, or decide to strongly deny. This is an area of importance, which requires either a very hot, or very cold position. Topics that affect the world are the topics that most individuals will develop an unwavering position on. A problem arises, however, when we allow our “lukewarm” position to set in on topics and areas that might not be as important to the world, but truthfully can really mean the world in our lives.
Relationships are the perfect example of one such area! I recognize that in all of my years of dating, I allowed myself to be lukewarm when it came to the topics of the heart. I didn’t have a definitive requirement for the men that courted me, and sometimes I didn’t even have a “very hot” feeling about the actual person I was dating! Please do not misconstrue what I am saying. By hot, I don’t mean filled with passion or attraction. I do however mean I was not even halfway sure that the person they were, was right for the person I was. Or more importantly, the future me I was working to become.
Before I met my husband, I looked deeply at the many men I dated, and admitted to myself I knew things about them that were absolute deal breakers, but I never forced myself to admit it. Of course, no one is perfect, so we are not talking about trivial matters like smelly feet! We are talking about very important matters like Christian walk, and the respect of all women. There is no need for me to go on a man-hating rampage and tell you about all of the crazy things some of these men put me through, because the real truth is the fault was none of theirs. The fault was all of mine! They showed me who they were, and I chose to accept it, regardless of what compromise that meant I would have to make.
Once I accepted this hard to admit reality, I made a choice and a change. I wrote down all of the things that I wanted, but more importantly needed in a mate, and I believed that God loved me enough to have created someone that would meet my written vision. I would no longer allow myself to date a man that only wanted to date, with no hopes of a future, because I knew God had a future for me. I refused to start a relationship with a man that would compete with my God and vie for the attention He always deserves first. I chose not to enter into a relationship with anyone who showed signs of a double lifestyle. You can ask my husband, he will certainly tell you, when we met, I was very transparent about who I was and what I wanted. I believe I even shared my actual written vision! If he chose to proceed in courting me, we had to agree that the dream I knew would become my reality was something he saw himself in. If he felt the need to debate or manipulate the things I had written, there was to be no hard feelings, just no relationship! We all know what happened next because he clearly put a ring on it, Shondo!
My husband came to the table with his own vision, his own standard, and I too had to meet it. We proceeded with dating because we respected each other and the “hot” decisions we made about the matters of our hearts prior to meeting. Now that we are married, we still write the vision and we still make clear choices as one unit. When you are a decisive individual and you meet the person God has predestined for you, it is so much easier to become a decisive couple. If you are reading this and single I challenge you to take a clear stand today in ALL areas. You have to be sure of who you are, who you are to become, and what you want. God is calling you to write your vision and trust that He will fulfill it. If you are reading this and you are married, I hope you have been reminded of the importance of making a conscious decision. Do not lose sight of the person or couple you were called to be! Write it out and then please boldly walk it out together.”
“Then the Lord replied, write down the revelation and make it plain on tablets so that a herald may run with it.”
Habakkuk 2:2, NIV
“What I love the most about the scripture my wife selected is the “so that a herald may run with it” part. Now for some of you it may be Herald, for others it may be Boaz, but the action is more important than the name. It is important that not only the vision is written, but also it is written with such clarity, that your mate can then “run with it.” Running with it here is a reference to intimacy. And no, I am not referencing to sex, which most people confuse with intimacy. But this reference speaks of an intimacy that one may read it, study it, spend quality time with it, and receive such a divine revelation, that it moves them into action. In other words, when your mate reads your vision, it should have an impact on them. It should let them know right away, this is my Ruth, and YASSSSS Honey this is my Boaz.
I want to make something very clear, however, before I proceed. Immature people create lists, mature people write visions. Can you imagine how many people have created lists of qualities they wanted in their mate, and ended up marrying someone that didn’t have half of them? People spend countless hours creating this non-existent mate with their list of qualities and features, but never take time to ask themselves if that person would even want them? Imperfect people have the audacity to desire perfect people. Creating lists only lead you to unhealthy relationships and unrealistic expectations.
What you have to do is, create the vision. Just as Christ spent time in the wilderness preparing for His ministry, you too have to have time in isolation. You need to learn who you are, before you can tell a person what you need. You need to spend intimate time with God and allow Him to give you the vision for your life. People have vision boards for business and finances, but they never make one for their spiritual life. What does God want from you and whom has he created for you to fulfill the purpose, He has for your life? Have you set your mind on someone that God has not predestined for you? Find out what God wants from you, and then you will know if your mate belongs in that vision. Most of the time they will eliminate themselves.
When I met my wife, she made some things very clear to me. One of which she told me was her abstinence until marriage. She basically said if I didn’t like it, to keep it moving. That was very hard for me. I will be honest with you. And I never liked it one day that we dated. But I respected her wishes. I learned from all the women I had damaged and hurt over the years that the one common denominator was unhealthy soul ties. When she told me that, I knew it was all God. He knew in order for me to grow spiritually, and become whole, I needed a woman that was already where I needed to be in that area. God was preparing her to be the woman I needed. I knew then and recognized the God in her. It wasn’t her looks that let me know she was my wife, but it was her relationship with God. And if you haven’t seen how beautiful my wife is in those pictures, take a look and find out why abstaining strengthened my prayer life. If it wasn’t for Jesus, Lord have mercy…
Now does the bible say make your request known, absolutely? Does it say that the prayer of the righteous availaeth much, it most certainly does. But you have to trust that God knows what His children needs, better than they do. God may be keeping Boaz from you because He knows you haven’t spent enough time preparing yourself for him. If He gave you Boaz right now, you would hurt him so much, that he would turn into a Judas for the next woman. The reason God has not given you the woman you wanted, is because you can’t stop sleeping around with the woman you don’t need. Remember, hurt people, hurt people. So I challenge you all to stop writing lists, and start casting visions. Stop letting your lusts lead you to dysfunction, and allow God to lead you to your destiny. Start writing the vision, and make it plain. Because once the right person reads it, your life will never be the same.”
“And then God answered: “Write this. Write what you see. Write it out in big block letters so that it can be read on the run. This vision-message is a witness pointing to what’s coming. It aches for the coming—it can hardly wait! And it doesn’t lie. If it seems slow in coming, wait. It’s on its way. It will come right on time.”